| Author: | Ben Bova |
| Copyright: | 1975 |
| Date Reviewed: | 6/11/85 |
| Rating: | 7.5 |
Synopsis: Sometime in the next century, the television empire, now based on poor quality 3D equipment, faces a serious decline in viewers. Each year many new shows are produced and if one makes it to the next season, its considered an extraordinary event. Hardest hit of all the networks is Titanic Productions. With hopes of attracting more viewers, Bernard Finger, president of the company, hires Bill Oxnard who has invented a 3D process with no distortion. Bill will be technical consultant. But high technical standards are not enough so Bill and B.F.'s aid, Brenda seek out an idea man, Ron Gabriel. Gabriel is an intense brilliant, argumentative, slightly warped writer. He is the epitome of the disturbed artist. He's also woman crazy and is always on the go. The three spend all night trying to come up with ideas. Gabriel's latest project is a Romeo and Juliet story set in modern times which he can't sell to anyone. Finally they hit on the perfect idea, Romeo and Juliet in the 27th century!
Well B.F. buys into it, even though he hates Ron Gabriel, and assigns Sheldon Fad to produce the show. Sheldon is having trouble with a live-in girlfriend, eight months pregnant, so he decides to shoot the show in Canada where he can get away from her. A TV series can be made much more "cheaply" across the border. Of course, Gabriel hates the idea but he concedes to do it if Brenda will be part of the production crew. Gabriel goes to Canada and is immediately locked in a plush hotel room with a pile of very poorly written scripts to clean up. By clean up he must rewrite them from scratch and after two weeks discovers that they were written by high school students competing in a contest. Real writers cost money. The decision was made by Gregory Earnest, Canadian liaison, who immediately receives a broken nose from Gabriel.
Meanwhile, everything else seems to be going wrong. The spaceship models are being built by inexperienced artists with no plans; they just put pieces of plastic where ever they want to. Both ships have fins. Without quality scripts or good special effects the only thing that could possible save this show is good acting. No such luck. The leading actress is a beautiful figure with no talent. Few notice. The leading man is not an actor at all but a hockey player who can't act and in fact can hardly speak. He can't make long speeches or say big words.
Finally, all the pieces are ready and a director, Mitch Westerly, is hired. Mitch is a former drug addict who has spent the past 2 years drying out in the Himalayas. Mitch and Gabriel take an instant liking when they honestly insult each others disasters. The final ax to this disaster comes when a network sensor gets a hold of a script and orders 87 changes. For example, the use of laser guns may be a harmful influence on children so they are replaced with swords. After two shows are filmed, Ron Gabriel leaves but ensures that his name is not associated with the production. His favorite pseudonym is used. Soon after Bill, Sheldon and Mitch leave the team. The last few episodes are written, produced and directed by the incompetent liaison. Needless to say, the series is a complete flop.
Review: "The Starcrossed" is a comical novel based on a true incident - the production of the TV series "Starlost" in 1973. When I first saw the series 12 years ago I thought it was pretty good and was disappointed when it was taken off the air so soon. I saw a few repeats last year, probably the best episodes, and I thought the plots were mindless and the shows were poorly acted. The special effects where much worse than "Star Trek" produced five years before.
Although, I am not too familiar with the events leading up to 'Starlost', I have some inkling of what happened. The series was indeed produced in Canada to save money. The original writer was Harlan Ellison, very well portrayed by Ron Gabriel. Ellison became so disgusted with the show that he walked out. The credits show the series being conceived by Cordwainer Bird. I assume the technical consultant was Ben Bova.
Knowing something of the original story made "The Starcrossed" a very funny novel. Lately I read a few 'comedies' but they were for the most part unfunny. "The Starcrossed" is funny because it is not heavy handed about producing laughs. The most entertaining parts of the book were subtle innuendoes. Where the author was going for belly laughs, the images were excellent. I could see Ron Gabriel, alias Harlan Ellison, chasing after a sensor with a knife. I found myself chuckling often. I believe the real story about what happened, with all the real names, is in "The Glass Teat", by Ellison. The book apparently is a series of essays about what is wrong with American television. I look forward to reading that. I really had hoped to find a copy before getting too far into "The Starcrossed" but I couldn't find one after looking in three bookstores.